Adventures of a Gay Yuppie
I’m trying to close my Citibank online savings account in favor of my newer and easier-to-use ING Direct account.
Citibank seems to think they can prevent customers from closing their accounts by ignoring the issue. I can’t find a single help article mentioning the account closure process, and it’s not in their FAQs. In the end, I had to send an email.
In the web world, we call this “poor user experience.”
WTF mate?
A recent New York Times article suggests yes, maybe straight couples do have something to learn from their same-sex counterparts:
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
…
Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.
While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.
…
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay physically agitated after a conflict…
Huh. Maybe my parents wouldn’t have divorced if they were lesbians.
Wouldn’t that rock? I kinda wish my parents were gay.
From The Onion, America’s Finest News Source:
HARTFORD, CT—The Connecticut Supreme Court on Monday upheld the right of individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, to engage in any number of “grandiose behaviors,” including, but not limited to, sashaying across the room “like a hussy, yelling ‘Oh my God!’ at the top of their lungs while hopping up and down, and generally acting like Miss Thing.”
…
The ruling, which effectively affirms the right of all attention whores to make a complete spectacle of themselves, is already being contested by conservative groups and is expected to be appealed.
It’s time for a new car. I’m still driving the same 2000 Volkswagen Jetta I bought my senior year of high school.
Back in November 2002, I paid $14,500 for Jetta in cash. I had saved the money over four years working at my part-time and summer job on the boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland. I told my friends that the car was my Christmas, Birthday and high school graduation gift to myself, all in one.
For the first few years with Jetta, I was deliriously happy. It had a stick shift and a turbo-charged engine, which meant instant credibility with car people (even though at college I learned that the Volkswagen Jetta was the unofficial mascot of Delta Delta Delta).
It might have been a sorority girl car, but Jetta was a sweet sorority girl car. Moonroof. Indigo instrumentation panel. Premium sound system. A mysterious traction control button that I never dared to deactivate. Even the tacky “Tornado Red” paint color grew on me.
Flash forward to June 2008.
The car only has 60,000 miles (because I hardly drove in college), but it’s deteriorating due to age. In November 2007, I spent about $1,700 on rear brake rotors, an engine intake something-or-other, and a dry-rotted serpentine belt.
Now the front brakes are squeaking, the exhaust is making scary shaking noises, the moonroof has shown signs of minor demonic possession, and as of yesterday the keyless entry doesn’t work. And I’m told that the struts are shot and need to be replaced. (New struts? I thought a strut was a kind of walk?)
It occurred to me that the cost to repair the machine might be significantly more than it’s worth. After all, parts and labor for European cars doesn’t come cheap!
So, for the past few weeks I have been car shopping. Although I previously wrote about wanting to save up for a hybrid, after a little bit of research I’m not so sure. There is a still a huge price premium for hybrids here in Northern Virginia, and I think I could get more bang for my buck with something less eco-yuppie trendy.
I began looking at used BMW and Lexus listings on Craigslist, mostly as a joke.
Naturally, most of those were ridiculously out of my price range, so all I could do was shrug. The ones I could afford were all much older than Jetta and had higher miles.
But then I found it.
A 2004 BMW 325i. Silver. Moonroof. Heated leather seats. And (barely) within the 50,000 mile BMW warranty. Best of all, it was priced $2,000 below Kelly Blue Book value and Edmunds’ “True Market Value.”
I was ecstatic. I emailed the owner, and before long i had a response. No, it had not been sold yet. Yes, I could see it Friday. Scratch that. Better make it Thursday so I could arrange financing before the weekend.
All day Thursday my heart was racing. It was happening so fast, but it was finally happening! I showed the Craigslist posting to my coworkers. I bragged about how it was such a great deal, and they conspired as to how I could add weird bits of plastic to the car the make it look “cooler.” (Computer geeks detest “stock” anything. To get respect from those guys, you need to modify your stuff, whether it’s a car or a computer.)
Then at 4pm, an email from the owner: “Sorry guy. I just sold the car an hour ago. I hate doing that to you. Best of luck.”
My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. I’ve had breakups that were easier to swallow than losing this car.
So what am I going to do? I don’t know. Now that I’ve had my dream car within reach, it’s hard difficult painful for me to go back to looking at the Honda Civic or the Toyota Camry. Sure, they’re practical, dependable cars. But they don’t get me excited. My heart doesn’t flutter thinking about a Toyota Corolla or a Honda Accord.
The BMW set the bar for my expectations, and I don’t know if I can get stomach-butterflies for anything else. How am I supposed to deal with this?
I see a few options:
All of the options have drawbacks. If I wait too long to trade in my Jetta, I risk another mechanical disaster that eats into the trade-in value. If I buy a car that doesn’t make me excited, I risk buyer’s remorse. I can get buyer’s remorse to the point of being depressed… it’s very bad.
But of course if I buy a car I can’t afford, I risk having to rely on my emergency fund more than I’d like.
My head is spinning. I hate myself for being the kind of person who obsesses about which entry-level luxury car to buy when there are so many other more important things in life.
But at the same time, I lust for a BMW 3-series.
How do I reconcile my greedy reptilian brain that says, “I want! I want! I want!” and my higher-level consciousness that tells me, “Be reasonable. Be practical. Be boring.”
A recent article from U.S. News & World Report asks “Is $1 Million Enough to Retire On?”
The short answer: Maybe. But probably not for spoiled consumerist whores like yours truly.
This depressing news comes on the day I became eligible to begin 401(k) contributions.
Lovely coincidence, no?
For what it’s worth, I’m contributing 10% of my income to my Roth 401(k) plan in order to max out my company’s match. I have to stay three full years before I’m fully vested. If I leave before then, I’m only eligible to keep a certain percentage of the matched funds.
As with my Roth IRA, I chose a target-date retirement fund in order to simplify the investing process. As they have been explained to me, target-date funds are great because they are automatically rebalanced as you approach retirement age. No muss, no fuss.
I promised myself I was going to write a deep, insightful post about personal finance and career development this weekend, but I got sidetracked day dreaming about cars I can’t afford and going to the gym to work towards an ideal I’ll never attain.
So instead, here’s a video with two hot boys in their shorts doing some clever choreography to Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.”
The female version was incredibly popular on YouTube, but I think the guys do it better.
Hey, even us brazen careerist types need a break once in a while.
Now that I’m a full year out of college, I’ve had some time to think deeply about my college experience, and there are a lot of things I would have done differently.
I went to a small, private liberal arts university in the south. It’s well-ranked and was very expensive, but luckily I graduated with no debt thanks to my very supportive parents and a few small merit-based scholarships. (I also supported myself as much as possible by holding jobs on campus all four years.)
One of the reasons I chose my school was because they had a program which guaranteed me admittance to their law school if I maintained a certain GPA due to my standardized test scores. [The ACT was my best friend during the college admissions game. :) ]
Yes, for some strange reason, yours truly thought he wanted to go to law school. Ha. A year working for the law school admissions office cleared that right up. Who wants to be a headcase for three years and then enter a suicide- and depression-laden profession? Not this boy.
So, between my freshman and sophomore years I decided what would really make me happy would be becoming a veterinarian. So, I officially declared myself a biology major and eagerly signed up for 8:15am genetics. Luckily I had enough AP credits from high school so that I would be able to complete the biology major coursework even though I began as a sophomore.
Halfway through junior year (after having spent the summer as a veterinary assistant), I realized that although I do feel strongly about helping animals, it wasn’t something I was interested in as a career. [Factoid: Did you know veterinarians have a much higher-than-average suicide rate due to their high-stress levels and easy access to chemical euthanasia agents? More importantly, why was I attracted to high-stress, depressive professions in college?]
In May 2007 I graduated college without a firm plan for making it big with my B.S. in biology and my history minor.
Luckily, my experience as a website manager for one of my university’s schools’ websites was enough to get me a position in online ad operations (though that job didn’t last long).
These days I’m much happier in my current role as a semi-technical hire at a web development company. But it pains me that I could be much further along in my career had I done college differently. I certainly could be making more money, for instance, if I had a stronger technical background.
If I was granted a magical college do-over while retaining all the important Life Lessons I’ve learned, here’s what I think I would do:
One thing I won’t do is beat myself up for my respectable-but-not-4.0 GPA. Who wants to hire a kid with a perfect GPA anyway?
What about college do you wish you could redo?
I’m in the middle of an awkward situation.
Normally, I don’t write about my friends and family on this blog. Writing about my own life with my adoring masses is my own prerogative, but writing about their lives isn’t.
But I need to share this on the blog, so I’ll be vague.
A few months ago, I loaned an older relative some money. At the time I didn’t even think of it as a loan. It was just convenience thing. She had an entirely legitimate bill due, and because of the particulars of the situation, it was just a lot easier for me to foot the bill and have her pay me back.
Honestly, I didn’t think twice about it. It’s just the sort of thing we do in my family. For instance, sometimes a family member will use a professional discount to buy an item for another family member. This transaction was along those lines.
The amount I covered didn’t break the bank, but at more than $1,000 it wasn’t an insignificant expense for me either.
A few weeks went by before I thought to say anything about getting reimbursed. I didn’t want to seem cheap or needy, but I do have very aggressive savings goals, and every bit counts.
I just brought it up casually: “Hey [relative], don’t forget about that check.”
“Oh, don’t worry! I haven’t forgotten!”
Good, I thought. That takes care of that.
A few more weeks passed.
“I was just wondering if you had a chance to send that check?” I asked. “I was hoping to buy a new computer pretty soon, and I’d like to have that money back in my account first.” (Not that I should have to explain myself for wanting to be paid back, right?)
Then she brokedown. She confessed she has been living paycheck-to-paycheck for months. She doesn’t have the cash flow right now to pay me back.
I was stunned. This relative has had a stable career. She’s in her mid-50’s and appears to be comfortably middle class.
The relative went on to explain that she has had a few unexpected expenses lately to the tune of several hundred dollars per month. The expenses caught her off guard, she said.
At first I was flabbergasted. I felt horrible and greedy for demanding to be paid back. But mostly I was confused and saddened.
The extra expenses, though significant, should not be catastrophic to someone who has had that much time to save.
Then I got upset. She drives a late-model large SUV, one that is known to guzzle gas. And she goes out socially to the local pubs (she’s single) three or four times a week. (That’s about ten times more often than me, and I’m half her age!) How could my adult relative spend her money so irresponsibly? And why wasn’t she forthright with me? How is it okay to use your younger relative as a stopgap bank loan?
The relative said she would talk to her accountant and have him cash out some stock she inherited in order to pay me back. I could tell she was mortified.
I felt awkward, too. Incredibly awkward. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I want her to get through this difficult financial time and I love her, but she has lost my trust.
On the other hand, it’s not as if I needed that money back right away… And where do I get off criticizing her lifestyle?
In the end, I decided it was probably less embarrassing for my relative to pay me back and put the whole matter behind us. The check is supposed to arrive via overnight delivery tomorrow morning.
I feel guilty. What would you have done?
One year ago today I had no idea I’d be living in Northern Virginia. (But then again, I had no idea where I’d be. Maybe California? Or Wisconsin? Or North Carolina?)
One year ago today I wouldn’t have dreamed that I would quit my first job out of college after less than a year. (Let alone find a better one doing something I like.)
One year ago today I was single. (I still am.)
One year ago today I thought I was going to find a job in science. Or consulting. Or go to grad school. For more science. Or maybe business. Or computers.
One year ago today I didn’t know how much I could learn in a year without being motivated by a GPA. (Turns out, a lot more.)
One year ago today I couldn’t imagine being out to my mom. (A few weeks ago, for the first time, I told her about a date that went really badly. And she consoled me.)
One year ago today I said goodbye to close friends I knew I’d never see again. (Because that’s how These Things go.)
One year ago today I graduated college.
One year ago today I was scared.
Today I am confident. (Imperfect, but confident.)
In the course of a year, I have become a new person.
How have you changed in a year?
