A recent New York Times article suggests yes, maybe straight couples do have something to learn from their same-sex counterparts:
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
…
Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.
While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.
…
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay physically agitated after a conflict…
Huh. Maybe my parents wouldn’t have divorced if they were lesbians.
Wouldn’t that rock? I kinda wish my parents were gay.
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See, this is why I love you :-) Great minds think alike!
I’m still trying to convince my mother that she should date women, but that is a whole ‘nother story :-)
I wrote a post this weekend about past year, where I have celebrated the one year anniversary in my first lesbian relationship.
We have fought like crazy, but not about the stuff you mentioned (obviously). Mostly, we fought because I had to unlearning everything I had learned from dating guys.
One thing that I think has helped us in our relationship is that neither of us has bought into the notion that there has to be a “man’ in lesbian relationships. We can both make lots of money and initiate sex :-)
Check out my post @
http://monicarol.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/thoughts-on-relationships-one-year-in/
im sure that gay and straight couples have equal relationship problems
Interesting research. We get enough judgment from the Christian Right world, so it’s cool when we can fight fair at home.