the Guppie Life

“Toughstuff” (or T.S. for short) is the internet nom de plum of a happenin’ 20-something gay young urban professional living in NYC. Between working full time and taking graduate classes in the city that never sleeps, Toughstuff is also the editor-in-chief at Below the Belt, a blog he founded “to create a dialogue about gender, sex, [and] sexuality.”

Since the forum was founded in March 2007, the BTB team has traversed the blogosphere, and now they draw thousands of unique readers per month. Below the Belt’s individual writers also reap their share of fame — Fannie Fierce, the blog’s fabulous advice columnist, is syndicated on The Bilerico Project, a major internet portal for LGBT news, politics and opinions.

At BTB, Toughstuff manages a slew of regular and guest writers, and also handles the blog’s marketing and development. I managed to catch up with him to talk about the blog, his life, and his take on being an ambitious, goal-oriented homo.

AJ: Tell us a little bit about what you’re up to these days. How did you manage to afford moving to one of the most expensive cities in the world straight out of college?
TS: I’m not going to lie, my folks generously fronted the funds for the move-in; I was naive to think you could move into New York City without several grand at your disposal just to secure an apartment alone. But I also had a job before I moved in, and I was able to pay my parents back fairly quickly. I really don’t know how anyone without the privilege of outside support can make it here. You really gotta be driven.

How has post-college life differed from your expectations?
After I graduated and started working a 9-5 (well…8-6), I went through a nearly 3 month depression. I hated my job, I hated the city, I was exhausted all the time…there were no longer big gaps of time after my committments where I felt like I could do anything I wanted. “Is this life?” I’d obnoxiously ask myself. The truth is, adjustment to the real world can be really quite hard, but it gets better with time. I did end up using my first job to find a new job (the job I really wanted) four months later, but many recent grads I have met go through similar post-college anxiety.

How (if at all) has coming from a much smaller town in college and then moving to NYC changed your big gay outlook?
Well, I studied abroad for a year in London, England, and I definitely think that helped with both learning to be more independent and being able to adjust to a big (gay) city. Every city is different though, and the kind of people that are there and the ways in which they behave seem to differ from area to area. In New York, the average gay guy is uber-fashionable, into theater (namely, acting in it), and dance-club oriented. Not really my style, but luckily this city is also known for having a place for everyone. I guess I’ve learned to try to look past certain gay stereotypes to find parts of people that I can really connect with. Back in the smaller college town, I would just write people off as a defense mechanism.

How did your interest in blogging come about? Why do you do it?
As I was coming out in college, gay blogs were a source for me of “what it was like to be gay.” I’ve always kept a journal, but I never thought I could start a blog just about my own life (boring!). But after I graduated, I no longer had the time or ability to be as involved in gender and sexuality studies and relevant activism… or even have the luxury of conversations with interested people about such topics. I talked through some ideas with my good friend, Fannie, and we gave it a go.

How did you get the ball rolling with your blog?
In terms of web stuff, thankfully I’ve always been kind of geeky and I know the basics of html and java and all that hooey, so web stuff wasn’t too big of a problem. Fannie’s also a fabulous graphics designer, so it’s definitely great to have her on board. As for the writing, I luckily knew a number of terrific, amazing thinkers and writers (some of the same people I missed having gendery conversations with), and I was able to persuade them to contribute. They’re the core of the blog!

How do you find the time to blog, work, and go to school?
I love coffee. I get up a little early every day and spend time doing housekeeping for the blog, and some days I’ll work in it during lunch or after work and classes. Setting up the blog was also the most work; now that we have a solid system, it’s not so time consuming. If you like doing something, it’s not really an inconvenience.

What are your career/life plans for the next few years?
I’d like to finish my master’s degree, keep the blog rolling, and… find a boyfriend! See? I have simple needs!

Any advice for other career-focused gay young professionals?
I think all recent grads get a reality check when they start working in the real world. So be ready for some tough transitions, but stick it through and things work out.

For the homos? Hmm. I did a lot of gay activism and gay-related stuff in college that I sometimes excluded from my resume for fear of rejection. But I’ve learned that making your resume completely void of gayness actually works to your severe disadvantage. If being out is important to you, putting “Volunteer for the Human Rights Campaign” or whatever at the end of your resume weeds through the homophobic shitheads and can make finding that supportive job more possible. It’s hard to be real when you’re desperate for a job, but in the end I like to think the authentic folks end up being real winners — professionally and socially.

Thanks, Toughstuff, for taking the time to chat!